It all started innocently enough.  Prophet began scratching his ear.  This lasted a couple of days, and in the end some crying went with the scratching.

Sure sign it was time to clean those satellite dishes out.  After all, a trademark of the German shepherd breed is those wonderful, naturally upright and Mr. Spock shaped external auditory canals.  Dutifully, I squirted in the ear cleaner and let him shake half the goop out–outside on our deck. That the proper thing to do. Snap and finished. I was a good and confident dog mom.

Prophet came in and my husband and I went back to our television viewing.  A short while later, I discovered the most vile smelling gift possible all over our kitchen floor. So much for having all the answers to a dog’s itchy ear.

I flew to the websites that have 1-2-3 and you’re all cleaned up.  They show a little dribble that wouldn’t impress even the most sensitive stomaches.  And believe me.  I’m one of those sensitive stomach types.  My kitchen floor looked like –well, I won’t bore you with the details, but 110 pounds of dog can leave almost that much in stuff.

I sneered at the nice clean pictures of doggie-oopsies on the clean ’em up sites.  The hands cleaning everything up are rubber-gloved and secure from the germs.  I took note of the rubber gloves.

So here’s my trick on tile floors–baking soda.  I just pour a bunch of the stuff down and it soaks up all the liquid while helping with the smell as a bonus.  Doesn’t get rid of the stench, but goes a long way. A little strong-smelling chewing gum helps too, but I usually get rid of it immediately after cleaning.  Might’ve soaked up some of the air flavors.

That was Saturday.  Everything cleaned up and we went on with our happy, pet-friendly lives.

Same dog, same car, MUCH different day.

Tuesday, a friend invited Proph and I out for a walk at one of the state parks.  Proph had never met the chocolate lab, Samson, and had a great time.  We were also in unfamiliar territory, so he was a little nervous at places. Like getting stuck on a two-foot wide bridge, where he had run ahead and couldn’t turn around easily.  There was water and cattails on either side and the poor thing looked like Bambi taking his first steps, as my friend and I laughed and called for him to come back.

No such luck. Proph made his brave decision, and jumped into the cattails. Eew!  Wet, muddy dog alert! We coaxed and praised Prophet out of the mess, while my friend’s lab looked on with a what’s-so-big-about-going-in-the-water look.  A few shakes in the sun and muddy mile later, I thought all was well, so we packed up to go home.

Just as Prophet and I pulled away from the parking lot, I heard a gurgling like a small creek. Must have missed seeing that on our walk.  Then there came the sound of a rushing bucketful of water splashing all over the back of my car.  This immediately preceded the now-familiar  wet-dog-who-just-threw-up scent.  Eew, eew, double eew.

As a kid, I got car sick a lot.  Now I know why older siblings used to yell at me to stick my head out the window. Did I already tell you eew?  Where’s the website that talks about mopping up the Atlantic ocean with their clean little paper towels?  And where are the rubber gloves when you need them?

There was a dusty old towel in the back of the car, so I threw that over the mess and opened all the windows.  Did I tell you we went walking in mid-thirty degree temperatures?  Oh, the open windows were fun.

We got home and I honestly had to take a shower, even before approaching the mess.  I guess I was suffering from PTSD – PRE-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.  Believe it or not, there are over two-million results on the web for the search phrase “clean dog vomit from car.” I went to my trusty friend, E-how for my solution.

In the E-how article, they assume you keep all sorts of emergency supplies in your car — stakes for pounding into the ground, and tying up Fido (really? in the middle of winter?), scraps of cardboard big enough to clean up the mess, towels (at least they didn’t say paper towels), oh, and plastic bags.  Yes, I carry all that junk with me every day.  You never know when a dog will vomit and these will come in handy.  Really.

Throwing the internet to the wind, I dragged the now nasty towel across the chunky bits and out of the car.  Prophet thought they looked good enough to eat. Bad dog! No! Prophet got put in the house.  There I found a gallon container of Nature’s Miracle.  Okay, friend, do your stuff. I need a miracle now.

Testing a small area be damned.  I soaked the entire backend of my Jeep in the stuff.  My car started smelling of rubbing alcohol and other secret ingredients.

A week of vacuuming, scraping and more cleaning later, I’m looking forward to a warm day today.  I will be using more cleaners to remove the smell.  Perhaps I’m just imagining how bad it is, but I think I’m making bright yellow gloves a permanent part of my fashion statement.